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Leadership Talk
February 2006
- Example:
“You
should give him a call.”
And if you don’t you’re
a bad person! That’s the meta-message. The implication
inherent in the word “should” is a certain amount
of condemnation. You should exercise! You should do the laundry!
You should be more productive! One can almost see the pointed
finger of shame accompanying the word “should”
with an extra “tsk-tsk” thrown in for good measure.
Take an extra second and reframe the same statement, shaping
a “constructive” meta-message:
- Replace
with: “You could give
him a call.”
In the long run people are
more inspired by possibilities than they are by punishment.
Substitute the word “could” for “should.”
Instead of saying “I should have” done whatever
it was you forgot, start saying “Rats! I could have”
done whatever it was. Instead of “You should call the
client,” change to “you could contact the client.”
You will feel less guilt immediately – simply by changing
your language. When you hear the word pop out of your mouth
(we are all creatures of habit) correct yourself out loud.
It will help lower your stress level.
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Word
of the Month
“ANXIETY”
A modern day plague and the breeding ground of depression,
anxiety is closely linked to unrealistic expectations, untapped
potential and unmet approval needs.
In order to feel anxious you must be telling
yourself you’re not doing enough or being enough or
getting enough. But what is “enough?” That’s
the question to be answered.
Anxiety has become a way of life in the twenty-first century.
Most of us don’t even realize we feel anxious so much
of the time. We confuse feeling anxious with the adrenaline
rush we call feeling “alive.” We start to think
it’s normal. That rush is the result of feeling slightly
“on guard”, ready for attack by a perceived threat.
Your adrenal glands (which sit just above the kidneys) are
working overtime, all the time, producing adrenaline to keep
you “safe.” This state of constant vigilance,
of rarely relaxing, is the most heavily medicated symptom
in North American society today. Between anti-depressants
and other prescribed drugs, over $15 billion was spent in
2003 to counteract the effects of anxiety.
In Europe the average worker gets four to six weeks of holiday
annually. In North America the average worker takes an average
of two weeks down time a year. No wonder we’re so stressed!
Who has time to really relax? Who has time for fun?
Well, as Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz point out so clearly
in The Power of Full Engagement, we best make some time, every
day, or just like any other machine we will break down from
lack of maintenance. Fully relaxing is the best anti-anxiety
medicine available.
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Leadership
Language Archives
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