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Leadership Talk
May 2006
Can’t is a word most people over-use.
Can’t is about one’s ability –
not one’s willingness. But that’s how
most of us use it. We usually mean we won’t
when we say we can’t. It doesn’t take
too many substitutions on this one to hear how glaring “won’t”
sounds. “I can’t come by on Friday. I’m
screaming busy.” Try this: “I won’t be able
to stop by Friday. My plate is full.” Ah, this implies
choice! Saying “can’t” implies
lack of choice and you have choice about everything. So say,
“I’m busy, I won’t make it this
afternoon.”
Take an extra second and reframe the same statement, shaping
a constructive meta-message:
- Replace
with: Add the word “Yet”
or change to “Won’t ”
When referring to things that really feel
like a “can’t” (like addiction or physical
impairment) add the word “yet’ to the end of the
sentence. For example, “I can’t run five miles
– yet.” Or when talking to a child, “no,
you can’t ride your bike alone to school – yet.”
Or, “I can’t quit smoking – yet.”
The meta-message to your subconscious is that you are preparing
to do that thing. Eventually, this simple substitution will
reprogram your automatic pilot so that you achieve the desired
result more quickly and with less effort.
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Word
of the Month
“WORRY”
- A mental activity undertaken as an avoidance mechanism
when we feel powerless in a situation and have not yet taken
constructive action.
People often choose to leave the present
moment, in which they find themselves to be uncomfortable,
in order to visit the future – by worrying.
Propelled by worst-case scenarios, the future will probably
change by the time you arrive there, so stop worrying and
take some sort of action! Worrying just adds more anxiety
to an already anxious life experience.
Worrying does absolutely nothing but fool you into thinking
that you’re actually doing something about
whatever it is you’re only worrying about.
It’s totally ineffective, extremely tiring and the people
and situations you worry about either don’t care or
resent you for it.
But then we’ve seen worrying (and voicing that
worry) modeled as a way to demonstrate love. Martyrs have
badges of honour earned by late night worrying that have been
proven vocally at the breakfast table the next day. If you
worry about someone or thing it must prove you care,
right? Wrong. It proves you feel impotent. There are better
solutions to whatever the problem might be than to worry a
lot about it.
Worrying is a lot like getting your car stuck in the mud
and pressing harder on the gas pedal in order to dislodge
the wheels. It gets you nowhere and you dig yourself into
a deeper hole. Worrying causes ulcers and ages you quickly.
It’s a first cousin to guilt and resentment. In the
Universal School of Mastery, choosing to worry is proof that
you’re not ready to graduate.
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Leadership
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