People have a way of speaking in the second
person when describing a personal experience. I’ve listened
to a lot of people tell their life stories. In the middle
of a sentence they’ll switch from first to second person
– from “I” language to “you.”
It’s an unconscious technique for separating ourselves
from uncomfortable emotions. It’s a way to put a painful
situation “out there” instead of talking about
what’s “in here.” This coping strategy shows
up in conversation and distances people from their feelings.
In this way it contributes to the disconnection between logic
When you mean yourself – say so. We
have been taught that to speak about ourselves is “ego-centric”
or “conceited.” On the contrary, it is clarifying
and builds trust. There’s a difference between talking
about oneself, and talking only about oneself.
The former is done in order to connect with the other
person. The latter is about protection from the other
person. The difference lies in the speaker’s intention.
Listen to the way you describe personal experiences. Ask a
friend to remind you when you slide from a direct experience
to a universal second-person “you.” Sometimes
you do mean everyone else – the universal
“you” – and most times, it’s a way
to hide behind their skirts. When you’re talking about
your own experience, use the word “I”.
What your listener will intuit is internal clarity and confidence
reflected in your communication.
of the Month
Joy is the full expression of the soul’s delight embracing
the present moment. It springs from delight which is birthed
When people say they want to be happy the feeling
they’re really seeking is joy. They’re
easily confused. Joy can look like happiness but
it sounds different; it’s usually not as loud.
Happiness often hinges on some external circumstance: a situation,
person or event. Joy is self-generated and depends only on
you and your own choices. The more joyful you feel
the easier life becomes. Waking up in the morning with a “thank
you” in your heart is the best way to start your day
that I can think of.
Joy is a product of awareness. It is a process of forgiveness.
It is a result of choice. You must choose
joy. If you’re not feeling as happy in your life as
you’d like to then you haven’t chosen
to feel it yet. And you probably have a whole list of reasons
that point to things outside yourself that aren’t the
way you want them to be. That’s the point! It doesn’t
work that way. Persisting in seeing only that which prevents
you from choosing joy and waiting for circumstances to change
before you do is fruitless, futile and frustrating.
Once you decide to choose to be happy – despite circumstances
– you’ll find things go a bit smoother. When you
choose joy, you decide to stop waiting for life to knock on
the door: you fling the door wide open and run outside with
open arms to greet it.