“If only” is a form of back-handed
blame and a sneaky glimpse at one’s resentments. It’s
also indicative of a victim mind-set. “If only he would
pick up his clothes;” “if only she would stop
nagging;” “if only they would change that corporate
policy.” You get the picture. The statement is usually
meant as a veiled criticism. And that’s the point: the
statement sends a negative vibe out and that never helps anything.
Take an extra second and reframe the same statement, shaping
a “constructive” meta-message for yourself as
much as your listener:
with: “Wouldn't it be nice if...”
“Wouldn’t it be nice if he picked
up his clothes?” “Wouldn’t it be nice if
my boss was open to this idea?” Hear the difference?
It’s a whole different energy inherent in the phrase.
And you can feel the difference, as well. Try it. Take a situation
you find off-putting or difficult and instead of blaming,
use the “wouldn’t it be nice if” statement
(at least silently to yourself) as a way to put out a positive
vibe – one that invites change instead
of demanding it.
of the Month
The cornerstone of all relationships; without it the experience
of feeling truly alive and connected is not possible.
Trust operates on a lot of different levels. You might trust
one person with your money but not your child and another
with your child but not your appointment book. Others you
might trust with your secrets but not to be on time for an
appointment. You can only trust someone else as much
as you believe him to be sincere. And –
you can only trust yourself to the same degree.
You know when you’re in the presence of someone who
really trusts themselves, even if you just met them. They
have a certain kind of energy; they carry their confidence
in a hip pocket, not in their fists like a sword.
Like yeast, trust is an active ingredient: it causes things
to expand. In this regard trust is a verb. Too many of us
wait to “feel it” before taking action. Like courage
or confidence, trust comes after taking action in
the face of our fears – in spite of them!
Now, to fling your trust indiscriminately in anyone’s
direction is unwise. Discernment is required. You must listen
to that quiet voice of your conscience, that little voice
inside, the voice that whispers the truth for you.
If you feel like it’s always shouting at you, chances
are that it’s not your higher self talking to
you but rather it is your conscious, ego-driven mind talking
It’s difficult to listen though, without some sense
of “stillness” in your life. You must create
that stillness. It takes time and practice. Be patient with
yourself. It took a while for you to get where you are now.
It will take a while to get where you want to go. Without
stillness, listening for that little voice is as ineffectual
as staring at the phone and pretending you’re in a conversation
with someone on the other end. You must pick up the
phone and dial the number in order to connect. Stillness does
that. It’s a direct line to a renewed sense of balance
and peace. Start with five minutes of silence first thing
in the morning. Say a silent “thanks” for the
day ahead. Plug in. And then trust.