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The Constellation Learning Newsletter
January 2007
 Today
we start a new year. Often, after the holiday rush (and stuff!)
we attempt to make New Year’s Resolutions. That’s
why so many people join a gym in January. But how many are
still working out in March?
It’s the sticking to things once the
initial infatuation has faded…that’s the trick…that
and the knack for knowing when it’s time to let go or
to move on.
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~
Monthly Message ~
“If
we don't change, we don't grow.
If we don't grow, we aren't really living.”
-- Gail Sheehy, author
of Passages
Charles Schultz once remarked
that happiness is a warm puppy. He wasn’t far from the
truth. I spent the holidays with extended family outside Chicago
with six golden retriever puppies bounding about my sister’s
home. Her dog had given birth in early November, making the
pups ready for new families in time for Christmas. They were
now seven weeks old—alert, playful and cuter than any
animal on earth.
My niece, Samantha, now eight years old, was
swept away with the magic and mystery of this new experience
in her household’s daily life: All that soft fur and
puppy breath! My sister, on the other hand, after seven weeks
of cleaning and caring for all the wee ones, was quite ready
to relinquish them to their new homes and rid her own of the
tell-tale scent of puppy peepee and poopoo. No matter how
sweet, no matter how fulfilling an experience for children
to share, breeding, birthing, and selling a litter of pups
takes a lot of time, energy and focus and, despite the delight,
is a major disruption to daily life. As my sister wistfully
remarked, “Puppies seemed like a really good idea three
months ago.”
But saying goodbye to them was hard. Every new
owner was asked to tell a bit of their story for my sister’s
ever present video camera. One pup was for a brother who had
had open heart surgery, purchased by his sister who hoped
the puppy would “help to heal his heart.” Another
went to a pair of four-year-old twins. Still another went
to a home with five children that had lost their golden at
Thanksgiving; the mother’s eyes filled with tears of
joy, as did ours, when she held her new family member. Each
good-bye became harder, but that night we could practically
feel the love emanating from all the happy homes containing
a ball of golden fluff making a new start.
As I watch Samantha struggle with the letting
go-ness inherent in raising puppies (or children, for that
matter!) I am reminded that every new beginning is some beginning’s
end. Embracing the impermanence of all things—and getting
OK with that irrefutable, irrevocable, immutable truth—is
a sure sign of maturity. Change is the only real constant;
each day really is a new start.
The New Year presents opportunities for new
starts—or so the calendar tells us. Resolutions, diets,
work-out regimes; we plan all manner of fresh starts after
the holidays. Full of good intentions we begin with enthusiastic
will power determined to reshape whatever part of our body,
or mind, or budget that we feel needs our attention.
There is something about the beginning
of things that strikes a chord of excitement in our hearts
as we set off into the land of what could be. And there is
something about the middle of things that sets our
hearts to trembling as fantasies fall short of reality and
expectations of perfection undermine the accomplishment of
excellence. Maybe it’s the saying goodbye to the way
it is now that’s so hard in welcoming the way it could
be in the future.
This pattern of human evolution—starting,
slipping, restarting, struggling, persevering—is part
of the growth cycle. It’s part of life. As is death
and letting go, as is disappointment or delight. But we often
forget all about that as we start any journey towards a new
shore. Focusing on the desired destination we can be deterred
by the effort required to get there. It’s an upside
down classic bell curve: struggle and effort book-ended by
infatuation and ignorant enthusiasm. Want to play with puppies
every day? Then you’ve got to clean the poop up, too.
So remember the inverted bell-curve and choose
carefully: all puppies—and plans and projects—not
only require careful tending in order to grow into what they
can become, they demand a future goodbye to the way it was.
Change ain’t easy but if we’re not changing, we’re
not really living. And if you ain’t living, what’s
the point?
Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2007 proves
to be healthy, happy, prosperous and full of puppies!
Application Tips:
- Pick ONE thing
Do not, I repeat, do NOT make a New Year’s Resolution
with a capital “R.” Rather, pick one
thing you absolutely will do once a week for the month of
January. That’s four times. Anybody can do
that. I don’t care if it’s read a book, go for
a walk, or call an old friend, whatever. It doesn’t
matter what you do, it’s the fact that you do it.
So just do it. Hey, that would make a great slogan. Never
mind, Nike took it…
- Pick ONE person
to whom you’ll complain and brag. Ask permission first.
And then use that person for support. It’s necessary
in the growth process. Everybody needs somebody to be a
cheerleader, especially as you relinquish ineffective habits
and say goodbye to the old patterns.
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