The Constellation Learning Newsletter
April 2007

I’ll bet you there’s at least one boss you’ve had, or one teacher, or coach, that made a difference in your life because they knew who they were and helped you to uncover your strengths. And they weren’t “the boss of you,” were they? No, they shone the direction, lit the path, led the way.

The best leaders are those who help us claim more for our character—by sometimes showing us who we want to become by sharing their own very human short-comings.

This month, a real story of a real leader.

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~ Monthly Message ~

“The difference between a boss and a leader:
A boss says, 'Go!’ – a leader says, 'Let's go!”

-- E.M. Kelly

Not long ago I had the privilege of witnessing a moment of authentic leadership: a heart-felt public apology to top team members in front of 150 managers gathered from all over Ontario.

I had been hired as their “Accountable Leadership” expert and was there to conduct a ½ day workshop for the gathered management of this division of a corporate giant.

This particular gal, we’ll call her Susan, a 30 year veteran of this company, was responsible for the 600 people in the Toronto call center. She had worked her way up through the ranks over the years, amassing a stellar record of consistently excellent results. She was a results-oriented people person, her people all loved her and management depended on her. And she loved her job—it showed. (I have since worked again with her and her top team member on another off-site planning session. My respect for her has only deepened as I’ve begun working with her on a more intimate level.)

Susan had taken the stage that day in order to introduce her portion of the agenda to the crowd gathered for the two day roll-out of the 2007 corporate vision and priorities, but before beginning, she said she needed to address something and invited her direct reports to join her up front. I assumed it was to acknowledge them in some collective way, some kind of award or achievement, but it soon became apparent that Susan had something else on her mind.

Once her team had wound their way from the sea of round tables in the room to the front where Susan stood, she turned and addressed them. They looked as though they had been taken by surprise. She alluded to some “event” in an oblique way, and the energy in the room shifted. Her voice quieted. Her body stilled. Her focus narrowed.

In retrospect, I think that the purity of this woman’s intention coupled with her sure sense of self commanded the obvious attention in the room: You could hear a pin drop, that’s how powerful her focus was. She said she wanted to apologize to her team, to all of them, individually and collectively, in front of their peers, to let them know that after consideration, she stood corrected and appreciated how they had stood by her anyway. She went on to say how much she appreciated each of them. She referred to the incident in a completely oblique way and it was neither uncomfortable for the listeners nor her team. In fact, you could see their faces soften, reflecting the importance of the moment.

She looked into each of their eyes as she spoke —there were at least 15 people up there. She wasn’t putting on a show; it was an honest, open communication. It was a statement of authority and humility all wrapped up in one. It was a real moment, the kind of moment that can’t be faked and everyone in that room knew it and felt it.

There were a lot of glistening eyes at the end of her succinct one minute statement. It was very powerful.

She thanked them as they passed on their way back to their seats and waited for the room to settle again. Then, allowing her focus to expand, she addressed the whole group. She said that she could not have proceeded with her presentation until she had handled that communication and she thanked the larger group for letting her clear it up with all of them listening.

In the space of quiet between the end of her thanks and the beginning of her actual presentation, from somewhere in the room a faint voice spoke up—rather reverentially, “No, thank you, Susan.” And then someone started to clap, then to cheer, and then they all stood and applauded this woman who had just demonstrated an essential piece of the leadership puzzle: the willingness to humble oneself, authentically—to be willing to be vulnerable individually—for the sake of the collective team. Not to relinquish self, but to claim more of it through accurate self-assessment and honest self revelation, in appropriate moments and appropriate amounts. Whenever anyone anywhere does that, they build trust and they inspire everyone around them to reach a little higher and claim a little more for their character.

When Susan says “let’s go” to her team, they follow her, willingly. And so do I. One can’t not do so in the presence of a real leader.

Application Tips:

• “Don't Defend”
  You’d think this is obvious, but in the moment, even the best of us can feel attacked and the fight or flight response can kick in. The best leaders have trained themselves to wait a moment and speak only after the initial flush of survival response has passed. Consequently, they can “defend” their decisions without projecting “defensiveness.” Don’t confuse the two. The former says “Here’s my position” the latter projects fear.
  
  
• “Breathe”
  Again, simple and effective. Take one slow, deep breath. Then exhale as slowly. Whole thing takes a maximum of 8 seconds, and in that space you can take stock, assess, acknowledge, adjust and then speak. Try it. You will speak more clearly, calmly and compassionately. You’ll be a better leader – and a better boss!

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