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The Constellation Learning Newsletter
July 2006
“In
order that people may be happy in their work, these three
things are needed: they must be fit for it; they must not
do too much of it;
and they must have a sense of success in it.”
-- John
Ruskin
 I’ve
had an earth-shattering insight: Happiness doesn’t have
to be hard.
Lots of people make it that way – something
elusive, hard to hold onto. But I think that’s a result
of environment, if you will, rather than genetics: hard-ware
versus soft-ware; lots of us did not have healthy
happiness models.
Human beings are hard-wired for happiness. Believe
it or not, like a high performance car designed for speed,
we are designed for delight. Honestly. We work better—our
engines “hum”—when we’re happy.
But too many of us look for tips on how to be
happy and all we see are materialistic messages steering us
toward rocky roads. If you think happiness can be found in
a larger paycheck, new car, bigger house, think again. No
one who has found the blueprint for bliss considers “stuff”
a necessary part of the equation. On the contrary, studies
have shown that the more we own, the less free we feel: so
many “obligations.”
Yet we’ll stay in jobs that suck our psychic
energy, or over-do it by staying too late at the office or
taking on one more project, and often end up feeling as though
we’re barely making a measurable difference, all in
the name of paying the bills.
Lots of us are feeling pulled in lots of directions,
expending energy without replenishment (even cars run out
of gas! - when was the last time you “filled up”
your own tank?), and then we wonder why we lose enthusiasm
for life?
Why is it that some people seem to thrive,
even during disruptive times? They are able to stay
happy, even when faced with significant challenges.
How do they do that?
Besides the fact that most of them like their
jobs, I think I’ve got an answer. Get ready, because
based on whatever camp you fall into, you might not like it.
Similar to the half-full or half-empty glass
of water thinking, there are basically two kinds of people:
people who like to make choices for themselves and
people who don’t.
The former group has figured out it takes just
as much effort to be unhappy as it takes to be happy. Having
spent the better part of my life in the latter group, I feel
well qualified to remark that those who aren’t happy
are often allowing others to make their decisions for them.
And they usually have legitimate reasons why they’re
not happy and they generally have something to do with waiting
for something else to change: their boss, their income,
their opportunities, their feelings. This means something
outside of themselves is determining their internal experience.
And that means something or someone else is choosing for them
and is the boss.
I’d rather be the boss of my own feelings.
For too long I wasn’t. I figure that guilt, resentment,
frustration or anxiety take up so much psychic space, there’s
no room left for happiness. If you were traveling to the Caribbean
and packed a bunch of sweaters, would you arrive upset that
you’d forgotten to pack a pair of shorts? Well, duh?
But if we’re packing metaphoric heavy sweaters in our
“bag” each day, no wonder we’re tired and
confused at the end of each day! Not to mention hot and bothered!
Nope. It comes down to this: there are
those who choose happiness and there are those who
don’t. The difference is the discipline required to
maintain either choice. Either way you’re expending
energy, effort and focus.
So, what would you like it to produce?
What bag are you packing each day?
Application Tips:
- Fitness
First
Pick one thing you’d like to
see change in your life and say the following to yourself
every day for the next two weeks:
“Wouldn’t it be nice if…” and
then fill in the statement with your desired change. This
increases your happiness “fitness,” like doing
sit-ups.
- Feeling
Second
Then imagine that new result, whatever
it may be, until you feel it. The brain, bless
it, cannot distinguish between a real and an imaginary event
when there is emotion attached to it. So each time you feel
the desired end result—not just think it
or say it but feel it—you help your
hard-wiring to remember its true nature: to be happy.
See
this month’s Recommended Reading
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